It’s been a while, but I am growing weary of the pointless Instagram and Facebook ignorance. I’ve decided to come on here and spill some of my heart out instead.
Anyway, I think it’s important that I share my guide to self-love for those interested. So! Grab your ice cream (or gelato for the bourgeois), and dig this..
I think it’s safe to say that I was always that chick that had to be in a relationship. Consequently, a lot of my relationships failed miserably. In fact, it took me about eight years to realize that I had no idea how to love and be loved correctly.
Firstly, I started relationships WAY too early. At first, it was innocent crushes such as wanting my crush to chase me around the schoolyard or tap my finger during “7UP” But then teenage years kicked in..
real relationship was at 13. I went through it all from pressing chicks to crying to sleep with “Breakdown” by Mariah Carey on repeat all because I thought I was in love. My mistake? I was too young to even figure myself out! I couldn’t tell you what I wanted to do in life, I was depending on foreign labels to make me happy, and I never saw an example of how a man should treat a woman correctly outside of Disney movies. The point is, I was stuck in my “young and dumb” phase unconsciously.
This “puppy love” relationship facade went on and off for about six years. In between then, I was
taking breaks jumping into other relationships to keep me occupied. Mistake number 2! I was blindly pulling other guys into my complex mess of emotions and spontaneity. All to go to back to same boy who never grew up from our “13 year old phase”. Ladies, comfort is not fate. Who was I to run around stabbing hearts because mine wasn’t put together in the first place?
Oh, but in the midst of things, something great happened.. I went au natural!! One disaster in 2010 with relaxers and dyes led me to stop chemically processing my hair, wayyyy before I knew a movement existed. In 2013, I couldn’t help but notice the lack of natural hair on my predominately white college campus. The light found me and before I knew it, I was an Africana studies major. I was able to piece together my insecurities from high school. I realized that I had disguised my lost soul with designer brands and hissed with hate anytime my hair got the slightest little poof to it. Fast forward back to college, the natural hair journey took me on my self-love journey.
I was content with walking to my classes with an afro and enlightening my people of our worth and struggle. My standards of men raised, I did not tolerate any man who could not appreciate the natural beauty of a black woman. There was a certain respect that the fro demanded, like "I don’t want any jive turkey suckas in my face", amazing turning point. Do not depend on society to tell you what beauty is. Society is robotic, biased, and complete bull
shit.. but you already knew that.
I also took some time to be alone. I have been single for over a year now and it has been my best decision yet! I felt liberated and free to explore my own mind before sharing it with someone else. My vision became clearer in terms of my goals and passions in life. I was able to figure out what I wanted in a man and primarily, myself. Being single and happy showed me that I was content with my own company, and that is key. I do not need a man to complete me, but to compliment me.
So ladies, in short my advice to get to self love is this:
- Remind yourself that you are beautiful in any state you are in (head tie, afro, bald, and all)
- Spend adequate time alone to know yourself
- Do not depend on a man for happiness and/or validation
Hope this helps! Now back to my evolving =]